The second night..

Today is the second night that she didn't spend with me..She said she had many stuff to do..she said she has ton of assignment to do..i don't know..But today is the second day..She just scold me just now..Second day without any kiss..Maybe i am too sensitive..or maybe feeling down dy..I asked her..did we need a talk..but she say nothing..I really hope she will know that was my tear yesterday..but i hope she don't know also..haiz..fan 7..fuck everything in the world..where is the hug when i needed one??

世界上最远的距离

世界上最远的距离 ——泰戈尔 世界上最远的距离 不是生与死的距离 而是我站在你的面前 你却不知道我爱你 世界上最远的距离 不是我站在你的面前 你却不知道我爱你 而是爱到痴迷 却不能说我爱你 世界上最远的距离 不是我不能说我爱你 而是想你痛彻心脾 却只能深埋心底 世界上最远的距离 不是我不能说我想你 而是彼此相爱 却不能够在一起 世界上最远的距离 不是彼此相爱 却不能在一起 而是明明无法抵挡这一股气息 却还得装作毫不在意 世界上最远的距离， 不是明明无法抵挡这一股气息 却还得装作毫不在意 而是用一颗冷漠的心 在你和爱你的人之间 掘了一条无法跨越的沟渠 世界上最远的距离 不是树与树的距离 而是同根生长的树枝 却无法在风中相依 世界上最远的距离 不是树枝无法相依 而是相互了望的星星 却没有交汇的轨迹 世界上最远的距离 不是星星之间的轨迹 而是纵然轨迹交汇 却在转瞬间无处寻觅 世界上最远的距离 不是瞬间便无处寻觅 而是尚未相遇 便注定无法相聚 世界上最远的距离 是鱼与飞鸟的距离 一个在天 一个却深潜海底 世界上最远的距离是什么?也许每个人都有自己的看法.我认为最远的距离并不是上天给我们的,而是我们自己创造出来的.

Night of 28 of July..22.44

I just get out from her room..Shit..I drop my tears on her hands..while she was sleeping..The tears just can't hold..Am i not good enough??Do i deserve this?I must treat her not good enough.Yea..thats why..Today should happy..I tried to hold my feeling ..Try to stop the tears from dropping..but it just can't hold..Maybe i should really cool down my feeling..Aren't today should be happy??Why am i crying??I remember every word she said..I wore the shirt that she said want to see me wearing today..but how long she spend to look at me..What am I to her??How many 28 can i celebrate with her??She is headache..I should know that..but i just can't hold..the tears fell..I rush out her room..I can't let her see me crying...Must not..Sure she will feel guilty..Nah..I am just emo..Just feel like crying..today i even didn't got the chance to hug her..Last 28 we didn't meet..but it is better then today..at least we sms..at least i got the chance to see that she type she love me..today..nothing..not even a hug..anything..just drop by my rooms to take her book..thats all..nothing..noting any more..haha..what am i expecting??yea..i am expecting something..again..I am willing to give her everything..but will she want it??just a small space for me in her heart..just a small smile from her to me..just a single care words from her to me..It will surely make my day feel better then anyone else..Love sucks really..Two time also like this..But i love her..What can i do expt crying..Crying will make me feel better..she happy..enough..Just a single call i will do anything for her..really..

28 of Julyt...

Today is the second month that I start my relationship with my girlfriend..yea..Is the sharp second month..I was thinking of all those thing that i can do with her today..but...at night,we end up doing nothing together..She in her room,me at my room..I didn't even got the chance to hug her and tell her that i love her in today.I am really really sad..

Every day sad evening..

everyday is just the same..What for..she stay with her friends,and yet,they can keep talking and talking together without notice me by her side..What am i?is it no matter how hard i do my work,how good i treat her,it won't make my value rise in her heart??I am forever throw away?

Friends and lover..Which one will you choose??Baby,does friends really so important to you??Then what is my role of being your boyfriend??Is there anything I can do to make you see me in the front line of your heart??Or just stand there forever until you forget my name or face??

我的她。。。

我开始觉得我越来越不重要了。。。我有什么用处吗？她的内心只有她的好朋友和家人。。我算是什么啊？拜托。。我是她的男朋友！！！可是，她有什么都只是找 朋友。。我呢？我算什么？？说我妒忌。。对！！我就是妒忌。。因为我是她男友。。可是，在她哭时，我什么都不能做。。我这男友还算及格吗？？我想。。。分 手就只是时间问题罢了。。我还可以做什么吗？我到底算什么啊？？为什么当你有事时，我永远都不会妳想见的哪一个呢？拍拖一个月多了。。你就不可以依靠我 吗？我比不上你的朋友？一定是比不上吧。。想要跟你拍照。。尽然比登天还难。。你的电话里，全是跟其他人合照的照片。。你有把我当成是你男友吗？算了。。 不拍了。。永远不拍了。。我不会再提了。。你开心就好吧？？！！你开心时，我会常常问我自己。。我的女朋友到底是在开心吗？？她的内心在哭吗？？这点，我 永远不知道。。因为你的内心只有你的挚友和你的家人。。当有他们时，我永远是个局外人。。我只是当你没有朋友和家人时，才感觉到你对我的爱。。对。。就只 是局外人。。我一直都有检讨。。我对你不够好吗？？还是要更好？你教我吧。。因为我不会。。我可以把我的全世界给你。。但你不需要。。我就只想挤进你的内 心。。就希望当你伤心时，你知道我在你的身旁。。看得见我。。听得见我的声音，安慰，拥抱。。你会在想你的好朋友时哭，可是你会在想我时哭吗？？或者想我 时，就只是在当朋友和家人都在时，才想想我。。what am i to you actually??

yea..and haiz..

Finally,i got my girl,s forgiveness..hehe..don't ask me how i do it.this is all about the power of love..hoho..But..I start to feel something strange between her..erm..how to say?I feel like we are not as near as last time..maybe..all is just my feel..Or the feeling is begining to fate away..Time can carry everything..no matter mistake or feeling towards me..Maybe all is my feel..but i began feel that is hard to catch my girl..Will she be leaving me soon??i don't know..but i pray to god that i hope that day will never ever come..because i think i really fell in love with her..i began to feel helpless when she near to another male..I feel betrayel..What should i do?should i just tell her that i don't like?Or just let it be??When she happy enough..I am a man..i can take all this??Our memorries will not leave any proof in the photo album..Just like the WHITE ALBUM..What is love anyway??Is this the love that i dreamt of??erm..the truth,not at all..i think,nethier as her bah..She is very gentle,tender and cute..I feel like i am not good enough for her..Maybe she deserved someone better then me?I feel like i am not good enough for her..Did she really need me?Will she be even happier when i am not around her?I am just someone who stop her from going out with her male friends..Someone who only bring sadness to her because of my sensitiveness..Or maybe the feeling is dy fate away that day when i hurt her..I really love her very much..Yea..I can tell that..More then wan ling dy..haha..A girl stay with me not even half year can so fast replace the girl in my heart for few years??yes..this is what love call..I don't even know wheater is she still love me..I am lost..I need her love and tender to bring back to the road..What an i actually??Nothing right..Just a very very very normal human..I feel tired..I feel like sleep for the whole life..Anyone will even care if i suiside??Will you guys care??Haha..sure say will right..but maybe after feel month begin to forget me..I am feeling very empty now..Or maybe just too tired??!i wish to be with my girlfriend every second when i am free or when she is free..but there won't be any much chance.the moment we can spend time together is only midnight and early in the morning..Till now,after ONE month plus plus we become couple,you even can't find a single picture of mine and her inside her phone..All the picture in her phone is only with her friends..Her male friends..If someone at my hometown ask me can see your girlfriend,How am i suppost to let them see??Go facebook??see all the picture that she take with other male??Where is me??Am i really not good enough??Or dy is the time..I wish for more then half years leh..Please god..Don't break me and my girlfriend..I love her more then anyone do..I really does..Or my best friend,should i return back to the castle which built in my heart??Just leave there alone the whole life..just like what i said before..Malaysian girl..Not even one is good?haha..no la..my girlfriend is good lo..just i not deserve to have such girlfriend..My feeling towards her is increasing while her's i really don't know..will she be still loving me??Will she still willing to hold my hands??i hope she will..forever bah..Because i don't really feel like leaving her right now..I always hope to be with her when she need an ears.but do i really got the chance?i don't know much about her..her ic,her anything..Will she share anything unhappy to me??I really hope she will..She will share her unhappy thing the first with me,and the happy thing first..or happy thing last also never mind..The most worst case,just be her safety balloon..I really willing to that..because i love her..thats all..one word love is enough for everytthing..Baby,I really really do love you..i always to be with you..the same group with you in everything..I thought you will be willing to serve me in your restaurant service..i thought is the most happiest thing to see the one you love while serving..but i don't think that you don't like it..for me,my most happy thing in this world is to cook and serve my love one..Thats why i really hope that you will come..Dy one month..I hope to tell everyone in the earth that you are my girlfriend..but you don't like it..why??why??haha..never mind bah..you like enough bah..muackzz..who call me you are my girlfriend..i just hope you will think of me once you are free..baby..i love you..

Sorry my girl~~

aiks~~sorry baby..i didn't mean to talk to you like this..i really hope you will forgive me..Shit..I feel damn guilty..This is the first time i make you feel like crying..Oh my god..really sorry..T.T..I was really gone over on it..Just take your time to cool down..SOrry baby,,i love you..Aisteru wa yo~~watashi no kanojyo..Sing yi chan...

everything just don't go as what i expected...

here comes again...Can someone please cure my wound??it really hurts..Today was one of the most unhappy day in my life..Firstly,my rather stupid group members...We have a group assessment..Actually,it was really perfect to make a group for my whole team..But..they just wanna split out..what are they thinking actually?do they know that i am trying my best to fit in them?they are really stupid..really useless..Then make me gotta mix with my another groups friend..yea..my girlfriends group..Second wound on me..When i asked her can i join your group,you know what she said??Feel very weird..what the hell??Why it is weird?because i am in here??Then..we actually plan to go somewhere tomorrow..I was really really very very expecting this outing you know??but in the final end,she just suddenly said she don't wanna go dy..why??maybe she dy go with her brother just now??then feel boring dy..What the hell o??Can you care for me ma??I want to go..You like bah..I am piss off..then??need me to say sorry some more ??what the hell is going on??Where is your caring?What is this sudden cool sudden hot about??huh??I am sad..Bloody hell sad you treat me like this..

Again meh??

Yea..there she go again..Sometimes,i really wonder..what am i to her??do i really important??or i only important to her when she need a boyfriend sometime??no matter how i try my best,i really can't be more important ma??what am i then??stupid attitude haven't hurt me enough??you like to like this you like bah..you happy enough..i will take it..tears dy normal for me to drop..you ask yourselves bah..what am i to you??where are you when i need a hug??haha..suak la..never mind de la..You happy enough..You happy enough..after all,I will emo sometime only right??Today is the second time i drop tears because of this relationship..i am very easy to hanlde right??just come my room,knock knock my door,hug hug me,then i fine dy..right??She happy enough..i can't jealous right??onli you can....you happy enough..

tired

I am tired....tired in everything....family,friends....just everything...i am a nobody in this world....it just sucks....what is my birth for???for sad?or for what...everyday wearing a mask to become a people...what for????for wealth?or what...tell me...i am really tired....haha..i might kill myself you know????just a joke la...

你知道什么是爱吗?

开始总是甜蜜的。

后来就有了厌倦、习惯、背弃、寂寞、绝望和冷笑。

曾经渴望与一个人长相厮守，后来，多么庆幸自己离开了？

曾几何时，在一段短暂的时光里，我们以为自己深深的爱着的一个人。后来，我们才知道，那不是爱，那只是对自己说谎。

你以为不可失去的人，原来并非不可失去。你流干了眼泪，自有另一个人逗你欢笑。你伤心欲绝，然后发现不爱你的人，根本不值得你为之伤心。今天回首，何尝不是一个喜剧？情尽时，自有另一番新境界，所有的悲哀也不过是历史。

爱情总是想象比现实美丽，相逢如是，告别亦如是。我们以为爱得很深、很深，来日岁月，会让你知道，它不过很浅、很浅。最深最重的爱，必须和时日一起成长。

因为爱情的缘故，两个陌生人可以突然熟络到睡在同一张床上。然而，相同的两个人，在分手时却说，我觉得你越来越陌生。

爱情将两个人由陌生变成熟悉，又由熟悉变成陌生。爱情正是一个将一对陌生人变成情侣，又将一对情侣变成陌生人的游戏。

相信爱情可以令一个人改变，是年轻的好处，也是年轻的悲哀。浪子永远是浪子。令男人改变的，也许是上帝的爱或者佛祖的慈悲，但绝对不会是女人。

最不宜结婚的是浪子，最适宜结婚的也是浪子。往往不是女人改变一个浪子，而是女人在浪子想改变的时候刚好出现。

男人的一生，不过对女人做两件事：超乎她想象的好和超乎她想象的坏。女人用他的好来原谅他的坏。如果有一天他们不能在一起，不是他太坏，而是她太好。

我们一生之中，要牢记和要忘记的东西一样多。记忆存在细胞里，在身体里面，与肉体永不分离，要摧毁它，等于玉石俱焚。然而，有些事情必须忘记，忘记痛苦，忘记最爱的人对你的伤害，只好如此。

时间会让你了解爱情，时间能够证明爱情，也能够把爱推翻。没有一种悲伤是不能被时间减轻的。

如果时间不可以令你忘记那些不该记住的人，我们失去的岁月又有什么意义？

如果所有的悲哀、痛苦、失败都是假的，那该多好？可惜，世上有很多假情假义，自己的痛苦、失败、悲哀，却偏偏总是真的。

他纵有千个优点，但他不爱你，这是一个你永远无法说服自己去接受的缺点。一个人最大的缺点不是自私、多情、野蛮、任性，而是偏执地爱一个不爱自己的人。

我....

我.....我活在这世上有用吗?让我来自己答好了.没用.我为什么活在这世上?为爱,为朋友,为家人???不都不是.我迷失了自我.我的灵魂献给了黑 暗.爱为何物?朋友是什么?家人?我不想说了.我要找回自己???不,不,不,不可能,我就如一个盲人正在大大的沙漠寻找一只针.感情???是垃圾 吗???我想我还没伤得这么深吧...朋友????在学校我有一个可以谈心的朋友吗??没有...每天 要带一个面具去学校...必须隐藏我伤心的样子,让人觉得我没有烦恼.每天嘻嘻哈哈的,逗我身边的人开心....我很笨吧...对不对??你们一定是这样 想的吧...我像小丑一样...我非常的怕寂寞的感觉...我感到很无助的时候你们在那儿啊???我向来很少说我的东西给你们听..心碎了;变成粉了...教我如何找回?我受够了...我不是超人...我是会垮的....

人。。。

人是什么?人吗?对.. 就是..你们知道吗?在美丽及帅气的人皮下,只有自私,贪婪,妒忌等等。这是多么地可悲啊！朋友是什么？不知道。。。你说我总是想太多。可是，是你的行动 令我想太多啊！！你说我们是交心的朋友，不必表现出来，可是。。。我就是不行。。哎。。我的人生，究竟是为了什么？？算了吧。。就让它冷淡。我也累了。。 就让我们带着面具，一直的假下去吧！！友谊万岁？？哈哈。。算了吧。。你过你的生活，我过我的。。你就去假。。

My new life...

Yea..I got my girlfriend..haha..Happy stuff??But no one knows..Should I be happy??Maybe..But i don't really do...I love her damn much..so does she..but how come i still feel like this??aiks~~i can't get into her heart..I am the third in her life..I really hope to be her pair of ears when she need one you know..but don't really can't..yea..my heart fade away..is not easy to get it back you know??god bless me..please..no more hurting in this love stuff..My friends??yea..some of it i really missed..but you mother fucker..get the hell out of my sight..i can't hold..want the hell are you??fuck..nah..i don't give a damn..what do i care so much for?i have my new life here..My love here..i don't need you..you was my precious but not anymore..NO ONE CAN FIT RIGHT INTO MY HEART..It had been close since the day..hemm..my life in KL..I think it is nice..I didn't even fucking care what happened at hometown..At least i don't need to listen to gossip anymore..you guys not tired de meh??meh hai o??still gossiping after form 5??now form 6 still wanna like this meh?you not tired i also tired lo..stop being childish lo..mature a bit also can't ma??everyday love him love you,all bull shit..I need a really big hug now..ya..damn emo..who will give me??Is my girlfriend really serious in this stuff???I am wondering..Her action is like totally single..dating other guy,take picture with them,do everything that I BLOODY HELL hate my girlfriend to do it..We argued..For??FUCK..for a boy..BLOODY HELL..i am fucking piss off that day..For dating other guy,she willing to argue with me no matter what..What the hell??I am speechless to her action..What can i do??Some one can just teach me??please??I am helpless here..really..She hurt me badly..I think is time to get back to my castle in my heart...By taking things not serious,I won't get hurt easily..Crying??Like a baby??HEll no..Who will be comfort me??I am sad...Just let me be ot..After all,I am nobody..Just a heartless who recently found a sudden cool sudden warm heart...