hi..long time no see.

if one day i meet you in outside...should i say long time no see to you??hahah...indeed..we stay together..but we dy 1 week didn't see each other..all i can is listen to your voice..know that u are itchy..can't even help..no..i have no right..who am i o?i am the one you hate..the one who know the truth.is only vincent and sky..thats all..i will not tell anyone..because i am willing to take it when i decided to do this..you lost one friend,like me,but is ok..nothing big lost.you will gain many people's trust..your reputation in G1,2,3 will be protected..We break up because i am a weirdo.everyone thinks like that..well i am ok..for your happiness..i am willing to do it..

yi..

Today..i went for sing k with my friends...we were sing happily.but in the middle.a song appear..
安静,,by jay chou...look at the lyrics,is enough for me to cry..
只剩下钢琴陪我弹了一天
睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的
我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得
你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开
你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你
只剩下钢琴陪我弹了一天
睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的
我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得
你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开
你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你
你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你
...i hold the tears in the sing k part.

then when back home,i cried..i miss you..i love you..but i am willing to leave for your happiness..I am willing to leave...I have my reason why i did this..i have my reason..so please trust me..

Star one..

hahahaha..looks like everything go as i plan..STAR ONE, pls remember one thing.i never change..i love you more then i can do..so this is the way that i can think of..at least it benefit you.people won't talk bad about you.as you know,S.H.E dy know what you did to me,so i must do that.come on.i also don't hope you kena people say you bad things ar..or maybe i think too much,i just want you to have a relaxing next love..i don't want you to stop your feeling..you are a nice girl..i am serious.maybe you won't give a damn now.because sure now u angry at me telling your best friend about this.but pls think deeper,y i choose her?because she is the one who willing to share things woth you.from the moment i want to tell her,i dy know.for helll sure she will tell you everything.you no need feel guilty.i treat you bad.everyone know that now.thats y you breakup with me.haha..i just want everyone to know that i treat you bad.i want all your friends to think that i am the worst people in the world.so that you will be loved.be protected.people will pity you.as your best friend also will think that i am bad enough so you break up with me.you didn't break up with me because you like sean..i don't accept this fact..pls..you never think of my feeling..but you no need feel sorry to me lar~~haha..i also like that do you.so we didn't own each other..you didn't treat me bad..i love you,,baby..i miss the day i kissed you for the first time..sorry to tell you,you are my first girlfriend that i kiss in terms of french..

Everything comes again like what i did to A.F

Hahahahaha..yea..i purposely do it..I purposely tell sec lee so that you will hate me.I know.She will surely tell you.I know.you will hate me after this.no worries anymore..start from the moment i do this to you,i know.i won't be your friend anymore.i am weak.sorry to tell you that i can't put you down..so that i choose this way.trust me or not,i do that so that you will hate me.i want it to be like this.because i wanted too..i know you are with sean now..i am not stupid nor idiot.i can see..people can see..Dior saw okay.u stupid.haha..together go sunway also let my friend see..pls la...wanna date also not here ma..lol..you really..haiz..suan liao lo..haha..i do this on purpose because..i hope you hate me.i hope u disappoint at me..so that you won't feel anything bad towards me.i know more things then you do okay..i am willing to take this.maybe u will hate me forever,but i dun care.i know he is better then me 1000 time.but what i care??i care you ar..u dy pt with him,but still don't want to let anyone know.that is very selfish..haha.sorry for being selfish.but ..think about it..what people will think of you??u cheap cake??pls..everyone dun know anything..i know i shouldn't.but i dy did.so no point taking it back.after all,i want all this..Now,as i plan if not mistake,whole world will like you.pity you.and all will angry to me,or hate me.because i do this.But seriously,if u really treat me as friend,you won't tell anyone.and..you also lied to me..remember that day i ask you did sean call you and tell you that i called him???you lied.I am not stupid.pls.i know more then you.since the day u back with sean.U remember my ex also like this.i am speechless lo..you..haiz..but nvm lar..i did that on purpose because i want you to hate me.you are happy now..and i will forget you now..because you won't find me anymore.hahahahahahaha..but please remember one thing..I LOVE You.so i do this..I dun want you to feel guilty or what towards me.make you hate me is the only way..for what i can think of..i hope to be your part of memories..as the first one you love..thanks for what you had gave me this four month..thanks....YOu even told sean that i hug you for last time right??!!!haiz...i am really disappoint at you..is very!!!!!pls..is VERY!!!what am i to you actually?haiz...but i don't care anymore la..you happy enough..

it end.

break up on 18/10 due to feeling less..

Finally...

Finally..today had come..the darkest day in my life..after ai fan..She told me..We have problems in our relationship..She told me..she is tired...she told me..she is getting piss off..She is tired..she want to end this relationship..A girl that i love the most..a girl that i care the most..a girl that i would willing to spend everything to her..a girl that..I will give my world to her,told me that she is tired of our relationship...The girl that i hug always,the girl that i kiss always,the girl that i text always,the girl that i miss always,the girl that i hold in my hands,the girl that lay down on my chest while watching movie,the girl that used to love me very much had gone..Exam coming..how am i gonna pass it..i totally have no mood in study..I am turning back to what i was..

today..sad day again..

today,we were having cool war..even she say nothing..but i can feel it..The feeling of her toward me is getting cooler and cooler..i know..she is tired..i know..she is getting bored for our relationship..I ask her..whats wrong with us?but she say nothing..She don't care about me for long time dy..she didn't hug me for long time dy..when was the last time she say she love me??when was the last time she kiss me..when was the last time she smile with me..when was the last time she chat happily with me alone.when was the last time she say she miss me..when..when..when..i forget..the date..i forget..the feel..it is fading away very fast..nothing can make me happy..i do everything that has nothing to do with me.i help her everything.i give my time..every minutes i free,i spend for her..i do her thinking skill project..that had totally nothing to do with me..i spend the whole night...with her best friend..do the cover for her project..today..when i go to find her after Mr gopi exam,i saw her..with her make friend..alone..talking...about their problems..she didn't share anything with me..I was heart broken when i saw this scene.not i don't believe her..even herself also don't believe her feeling,how am i gonna believe her..i keep stick with her.because i hope to be the one she need when she really need me..i hope..to be the one appear in front her eyes when she need help..i hope..i always hope..but nothing..she said that i was kinna bothering..and she beg me..please don't bring anymore problem to her..i was a problem for her..i never know..i never know..i was very sad..i nearly cry..serious..my eyes was wet..so i walk away..to cool down my feeling..then i help her do her project cover.I was hoping that she would feed me..just anything will do..because i do all this,for HER!!for her..she didn't..she feed her friends first..then she have fun talking with her friends..Finally..her friends left..leave only me and her..i was once again hoping..hoping that she will praise me,hug me,or do something!!but she didn't..what i get from her was.sorry,i was not in a good mood.i don't feel like talking..but she was talking with her room mate..she was having with her friends minutes ago..she WAS TALKING WITH HER MOM ON THE PHONE MINUTES AGO..she will be talking to her male friend later...WHAT AM I TO HER...i was damn sad..she hurt me so bad..why..everything also like this..wan ling also like that..ai fan also like this..what am i??thing that can absorb hurts??i am really shocked..har??after all i did,i spend my night doing this,all i get,is only i am not in good mood,don;t feel like talking..hahahahahaha..hahahahahaha,,,8 words from her..thats all..nothing dy..

9.9.09.

today,we done our moral assessment..She pay out many things.she deserved the champion more then anyone.but..when Mr.Adrian announce the champion,she happily jump,hug,hold hands with everyone..but not me..i know why..but i still feel very sad..i am struggling..no one see my pain..i need a hug seriously..

cool down again

haiz..just 3 month pass..then need to cool down again..wat the hell??T.T..i am so bad..i am guilty.what the hell am i doing??so pathetic beastly move..I hate myself..I am useless..

day before..

today..she was not in mood..i tried my best to cheer her up..but yet..she ignore me..and..i was acting as gay at my theater..I really can't take it..but yet..i take it..because of her..if i didn't take,the whole thing need to be change..i take it because of her..seriously..i hate gays and sissy..is impossible for me to act in front of so many people like this..i think i love her damn much..but did she appreciate it??i hope bah..

days continue..

today..while i was with her,i was acting..oh my god..i was damn professional in acting.i act happy all the evening..i found it tired..seriously tired..then i bath and go into her rooms..nothing much happened..my so called 'unangryable friend'(means a friend who her willing to fuck up with me) friend angry at her.then she straight text him,msn him..i am pretty much sure she won't do that to me...I am speechless..nothing much more happened..I won't care anymore..I will take all by myself..I am always happy..because i am wearing a happy mask..No one knows my heart is crying..no one knows my heart is bleeding..no one knows..I swear..i won't show it anymore..Friday is coming..didn't expect much..She won't give a damn..she was date with another guy..to have MY dinner..she like bah..i am trying to heal my heart..

meanwhile..

hemm..i touch her..what am i doing??!!T.T..i feel like i am polluting my relationship..Shit..i let lust come to my brain..what am i thinking??i feel myself guilty.. I feel like raper..I am a beast!!!i know that i should not get too near to her!!i know i can stop..but i can't..she really had nothing..this is all pay up..I feel sorry to her to have a boyfriend like me..that why i said..I must treat her good..

first day..

yea..i know..it would be very hard..I will try..i will keep everything myself...today..she play with a boy..the boy eventually touch her..i hate it..but i still keep smiling..i got nothing to say..i WON'T say a word..i dy promise myself..then in the evening,she wanna went out with the boy again assume.i am not that scare because that boy have a nicer girlfriend then her hell lot.i was sad because she dump me...she text me..i really don't feel like caring anymore..but it is totally impossible for me to do that..i still love her so much..i ask about stuff i need to know,then i let her go..My heart was 99.9999999percent don't want she to go..but it won't use..she will still be going.i know it..just let her go bah..after all,she dy decided then only ask..i don't know how much can i take.

P.S by the way,xian,i know you are my only one best friend who read this.so,i also open another blog called ilovesingyi.blogspot.com..go and have a look at it..it talks about happy stuff between me and her..

一个跟朋友谈的恋爱。。

今天是八月二十二日。在六天，就是我和我女朋友的三月恋爱日了。可是发生了一些不愉快的事。。她说我对她的朋友太差了。因为，我常常不爽她的朋友。今天，我的学院最好的朋友之一讲我了。他说，我绑得我女友太紧。。可是他重来不知道我的难受。。我女友也怪罪于我。。她说，如果只可以选一个的话，她会选那个朋友。。她严重地伤害了我。她会管我的感受吗？不。。没人会。。因为在这事里，我是坏人。。大坏人。。我决定了。。放手。。不会在这样了。。她伤地我太深了。不管了。反正她也不会在乎我。不管我对她多好，都是这样。。算了。。我不会再问。不会再烦。就像以前这样。。因为她伤我太深了。。

So call friendship..

Fuck you my friend..Fuck you..you are a useless piece of shit..you make me and my relationship getting worst..you are useless..if ever you let me know that you like my girl,then go fuck yourselves...i hate you..really..if ever you make me and my girl argue..i forever WILL NOT ever try to fuck you dy...so call friends..you don't forget..who is the one with you when you are hate by your groups member..you better don''t let me know you love my girl..if not,i swear to god..you will die..

理会。。

今天，我又为妳哭了。。你看到吗？？我哭你会有任何反应吗？？因该不会有吧。。今天。。在我情绪最低落的时候，你知道我是多么的想要抱妳吗？你知道吗？你会理会我吗？？你朋友哭时，你烦恼了好多天。。而我呢？你会在乎吗？还是我只是当你想恋爱时，才想到的一个人？你就不可以在乎我多一点吗？就多一点就够了。。我的要求不过分啊。。你喜欢用你那怪怪的脾气来折磨我吗？你知道我有多伤心吗？你会在意我吗？你知道我有很多话想对你说吗？就在乎我多一点点就好了。。

how long can it last??

she is with me now...on my leg..sleeping soundly..she looks tired..aiks..but she got asssesment tomorrow..hemm..wat to do??haiz..study till sleep..so ke lian!!!ko lian tai..lately,she is kinna fan..haiz..thanks to that fucking chi bai chao hai donkey asshole jin sxxxx..oh my fucking god..that bitch is driving my girl crazy..haiz..i know my girl love me..but she don't really know how to show..and i admit,sometimes,it is so annoying..but seriously serious..i think i can't lost her now..haha..i love her damn much la wei..haiz..thats why i ask..hemm..when will this relationship ends??seriously,i hope it won't..because i love her..the reason is easy and simple..i LOVE her..but..she seldom cAres..but who cares..hehe..i love enough..

haiz.

fuck..kena go home one week..is damn boring here..no $$..haiz..yesterday she called me when i was in cinema..she cried..she was scare..but i was no beside her when she need me..what the hell am i doing here?am i a good boyfriend??i damn miss her..wish can be with her now..

Yesterday..

I feel really sad..My parents just scold me..And my girlfriend back late like hell..we was suppose to have a talk today..but why is this happening??maybe i should free my hand..

The second night..

Today is the second night that she didn't spend with me..She said she had many stuff to do..she said she has ton of assignment to do..i don't know..But today is the second day..She just scold me just now..Second day without any kiss..Maybe i am too sensitive..or maybe feeling down dy..I asked her..did we need a talk..but she say nothing..I really hope she will know that was my tear yesterday..but i hope she don't know also..haiz..fan 7..fuck everything in the world..where is the hug when i needed one??